Ai caramba
by SasukeUchihaPHTanteiTrunkslove
Summary: Kallen hates Lelouch, and he hates her, too. So what happens when she wakes up in his body one morning? Total and utter chaos. For the two of them have switched bodies.
1. Chapter 1 I hate you, Lelouch

**A/N:Yes, I know, it's another new story. Well, this one is just pretty funny. Kallen and Lelouch hate each other, so what happens when Kallen wakes up in his body and he wakes up in hers'? Complete and utter chaos, that's what. How will Kallen deal with being a guy and how will Lelouch deal with Kallen's troubled family life? A few dirty jokes here and there. **

**Chapter One I hate you, Lelouch **

* * *

This is the story of two very immature young people, Kallen Kouzuki (or Stadtfeld, depending on who you ask) and Lelouch Lamperouge (Or Vi Britannia, again depending on who you ask.)

Kallen Kouzuki sighed as she stood in the Ashford Academy Clubhouse. She really did not want to do this. Milly Ashford, the principal's granddaughter and the head of the Student Council, had decided to organize a ball for no apparent reason. That was the way she was.

Milly Ashford was quite eccentric. Lelouch Lamperouge had told her all about the weird history of the President as they stood there. Both of them hated each other, but still they were forced to be together, because Milly thought they made the perfect couple (much to their disdain, of course.)

Kallen was now dressed in a horribly itchy and revealing dress that showed off her assets and not only that, it was extremely short, so the guys could see her legs, and all of them assumed that because she was shy, she must be a good person to ask out, so now they were trying to do that. Of course, she refused.

"Good god, I hate this," She muttered under her breath.

Lelouch Lamperouge, the Vice-president of the Student Council, glanced over at her, his intelligent purple eyes looking into her blue eyes. "Did you say something?" He asked coolly.

"Nothing," She huffed before turning away from him, but not before tossing a contemptuous glance at the black-haired boy, who just looked at her before he,too, muttered something under his breath.

"You like me as Zero and yet you hate me?"

"Did you say something?" She repeated.

"Nothing," He deadpanned, inwardly mocking her.

"Dammit, you're making fun of me, aren't you?" She cried, letting some of her true personality show, which caused a few of the students to look over at them in confusion.

"There's nothing going on over here," Lelouch said, waving the disturbance off, "Miss Stadtfeld might not be feeling well today."

A few groans were emitted from the audience.

Lelouch cast them a few stern looks. 'She is quite cute. It's too bad she only likes me as Zero and not when I'm me. This sucks,' and his cheeks flushed. Lelouch couldn't help teasing her. He loved seeing her face be as red as her hair, which it was right now. He knew full well about her true personality. It wasn't like she knew about his other identity.

"Kallen, pipe down," He hissed in her ear. "This is all for your own good. If Milly sees you're not doing anything, you'll be singled out and made fun of-"

"By you, of course! You're an annoying pain-in-the-ass, Lelouch! I don't understand why anyone likes you, anyway! All those girls must be shallow, falling in love with you just because of your good looks, even though you're just a jerk."

Lelouch rolled his eyes. "Please, Kallen. You know nothing about my history and you know nothing about what makes me the way I am."

"What? You're just a rich aristocrat who gets whatever he wants."

A dark look flashed across Lelouch's face then and there. "As a matter of fact, I hate being a noble. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't mention the subject again. It's not something I really like to talk about."

"Why not?" She said, but she didn't expect Lelouch to stare at her with such a fierce expression on his face. She recoiled; there was something quite scary about Lelouch's anger, she thought.

"It's none of your concern, Kallen." He said. "Really, Kallen, relax."

* * *

"I hate this dress! It itches! I'm going to go change out of it." Kallen turned and walked away, but Lelouch suddenly grabbed the top of her dress because he realized she was about to trip over it, but the dress ripped, showing half of Kallen's chest to the boys, who now stared at her in interest. Kallen gasped, surprised at losing her modesty, and at the same time, she was very angry.

"You did that on purpose!" She growled as she turned around and glared at him.

Lelouch was shocked. He had not been expecting that to happen. "Kallen, it was an accident." He said. She looked at him, noticing the contrite look on his face.

'Huh, maybe he actually does have emotions,' She thought. "Oh, Lelouch, thanks for the warm endorsement." She said sarcastically.

"Here, go get changed in some of Nunnally's clothes or something."

Kallen turned back to look at him with anger in her eyes. "You're such an asshole. You did that on purpose."

"I just told you that I didn't. I did not mean for that to happen and I'm sorry if you were embarrassed," He mumbled, but Kallen heard. She turned to look back at him with shocked eyes.

"Obviously you're feigning it. I don't see how anyone can like you."

Kallen's day grew even worse, because not only did Nunnally's clothes not fit her, Lelouch said something about her. She had heard Milly say something about Kallen's accident and Lelouch had sort of made a weird look on his face.

"Madam President, she's sort of in a snarky mood right now. Maybe you want to leave her alone."

However, to Kallen's ears, it sounded like an insult. "What did you say?" She cried. "I think I might be sick again."

"We're sorry that that happened to you, Kallen. But still, the look on her face!" Milly Ashford said.

Lelouch said sarcastically, "It wasn't like that, you pervert. Seeing the look on her face was quite entertaining."

However, Kallen didn't realize that it was sarcastic. "You big jerk. You have no clue what it's like. Is that all you do, put down girls? You don't know how they feel."

Shirley had never seen this side of Kallen before and it scared her. "Kallen, Madam President wasn't being serious about it."

"All of you are so fake that it makes me sick. Lelouch, you're the worst of all. I _hate you!" _

* * *

She turned and ran out of the room. That night, she stormed into her room, completely ignoring her useless mother and her stepmother, who questioned why the Eleven brat was crying. The stepmother actually seemed concerned for a moment, wondering if maybe some boy had made her cry, but Kallen waved it off.

"Typical Eleven scumbag," She said, "If it was an Eleven boy, then I say he deserved it."

Kallen's fists tightened in rage and she slammed the door shut in her face before she threw herself on her bed. "I freaking HATE him," She muttered, tears still going down her face. Her gaze came to rest on a poster of the terrorist Zero. "Zero...Zero is ten thousand times better than Lelouch will ever be. If only I could get to know Zero better, and if only Zero could show up at school and kick Lelouch's ass, that'd be so nice." She muttered.

"Why can't everyone see Lelouch for the big jerk that he is? He's an idiot, he's so stupid, and he's just a big hypocrite! Who the hell does he think he is to boss me around like that? I don't understand how men think and I don't think I really want to know, anyway. But if I was Lelouch, I'd be nicer to people. I wouldn't walk all over them and I certainly wouldn't have that holier-than-thou attitude. I may be an adopted noble, but that doesn't mean I'll treat others like crap. Wait a minute, maybe I did treat Lelouch like crap, but he deserved it." She said, sparing no amount of venom for the black-haired boy.

"I wish I could be closer to Zero." At that moment, she suddenly felt quite tired. 'I'm more tired than I thought I would be.' She thought as she got under the covers and closed her eyes. 'I just hope that bastard is suffering right now.'

She fell asleep then.

* * *

She was in her Guren-MKII, and she could see Zero up above her, giving orders.

"Kallen," His mysterious voice sent chills up her spine. "I've noticed...you are the best terrorist I have on this. How would you like to help me lead? I could kick C.C. out and have you lead."

Kallen's eyes filled with admiration. "Zero, I'd do anything...go anywhere."

"That's what I admire about you, Q1."

Then suddenly the dream turned weird when Suzaku Kururugi showed up out of nowhere and captured Zero and Kallen charged after him. Only Zero was unmasked to show Milly Ashford, who then laughed hysterically at Kallen.

* * *

Slowly, she started to wake up. She hugged her pillow tightly. She really did not want to wake up. 'Not on such a nice, comfy bed...on such nice, comfy covers...'

She just liked being in bed and she was going to stay here. She heard a voice enter her ears then. It was female, but it didn't sound anything at all like her stepmother.

"Hey, wake up."

Kallen thought she recognized that voice from somewhere. Groaning, she turned over and ignored it. "Just go away," She muttered under her breath.

Much to her surprise, her stepmother shook her. "Wake up, you idiot. This is not the time to sleep. You have an important task to do today and you have to be awake for it!"

Kallen felt herself being shaken by someone. "Go away, stupid bitch, I don't want you to wake me up..." She mumbled before pulling the covers on over her head. She wasn't expecting the shaking to increase.

'I really don't want to wake up.'

"Come on, you need to wake up, you stupid idiot."

* * *

'Wait a second...that voice...that's...C.C?' She thought. At that moment, she opened her eyes, realizing that she was indeed clutching her pillow tightly. Groaning then, she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes with her hands. Her eyes widened then as she saw a very familiar girl with lime-green hair and golden eyes standing beside her bed, looking on in disapproval.

"I swear, you're so lazy today. You know full well that you have an important mission to do today with the Black Knights, so what are you doing slacking off, you idiot?"

Kallen blinked a few times. What would C.C. be doing in her bedroom? C.C. didn't know who she really was, so how the heck did she find her bedroom? She yawned then, she really was tired today-maybe C.C. was a hallucination...she rubbed her eyes.

The greenette was still there. She scratched her head and ruffled her hair up a bit.

"Urgh..." She groaned as she stretched. She brushed her hair out of her face.

"You seem awfully groggy today, Lelouch. Is there something wrong? Didn't you hear me say that? You _are_ Zero, so you have an important mission to do."

'What?' Kallen's train of thought derailed at that point, but because of two things;first, Lelouch was Zero? The two of them acted nothing alike. That was weird, but why was C.C. telling her this? Second, why had C.C. just called her Lelouch? She looked nothing like Lelouch.

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm not Lelouch, I'm Kallen!" She cried. 'Huh? My voice sounds awfully raspy...and scratchy. Do I have a cold?' She frowned at the bizarreness of the situation.

C.C. shook her head. "Lelouch, trying to pass yourself off as Kallen is pretty silly. Even though you're quite effeminate, you're definitely a guy."

'Definitely a guy.' Kallen grew incensed upon hearing that. A lot of people assumed she was a boy by how tomboyish she acted. Her cheeks flushed.

"Hey, just because I'm a tomboy, that doesn't mean that I AM a guy! I'm Kallen! And whoever said Lelouch was Zero? That's absurd! I'm Kallen Kouzuki! I'm not Lelouch!"

'Huh? What the hell is WITH my voice? It's lower and deeper than it usually is.'

"You claim to be Kallen today, Lelouch. That's ridiculous."

Kallen studied the bedroom she was in. She clearly didn't recognize it. As she did so, something fell in her eyes. It was her hair. She pushed it aside, but it fell back in her face.

"You have amnesia, don't you, Lelouch? I figured as much. Did you hit your head on the side of the bed this morning? It's rather silly of you to suggest that you're Kallen when every part of you looks like Lelouch to me."

Kallen blinked. She _had_ to be dreaming. "I'm going back to sleep." She said.

"No, you're not going back to sleep, Lelouch! Now wake up, you stupid boy!"

'Boy?' "Knock it off, I'm _not_ a boy!" 'That's not my voice. Why does it sound like that?'

A knowing smile made its way across C.C.'s face. "Okay, _Kallen," _

_'_Finally, she acknowledges me.'

"If you are Kallen and not Lelouch, then what can you show me that would make you not a guy?"

Kallen's fists tightened. "Why, that's simple! My chest!" She cried, but as her hands looked for her bra, she found nothing. As she put her left hand on her chest, she realized she was flat. 'Huh?' She felt her chest and sure enough, she realized that she was completely flat-chested. That was odd. 'How odd,' She thought.

* * *

She was wearing a pair of pajamas, sure but they were totally foreign from the ones she had been wearing last night. 'What the heck? These don't look like my pajamas.'

She paused as she took in her hands. These hands were different from hers; they weren't the well-tanned, strong but still feminine hands she normally had. On the contrary, these hands were paler, longer and skinnier. There were no muscles on them at all but they were wider than her own, and more hairy, too.

"What the...hell?" She stammered.

"What part of me looks like Lelouch to you?" She cried out huskily.

"Every part." C.C. said.

"That's absurd!" She cried. She realized then that she was tall when she tried to get up and felt momentarily dizzy. She pushed her dark hair out of her eyes-wait, dark? Well, it was true that her hair was _dark red_, but-

C.C. tossed her a hand-held mirror. "Well then, Kallen," She said smoothly, enjoying every moment of this, "Look in and tell me _who_ you see."

* * *

Kallen looked into the mirror and then her eyes widened in horror. For the face that stared back at her was not the face of one Kallen Kouzuki, but rather, the face of a confused and shocked Lelouch Lamperouge. Everything about him was the same; pale ivory skin, a sharp chin, short, jet-black hair and the same strikingly amethyst eyes.

Kallen blinked in shock for a few moments. She put her hand in front of her and watched as Lelouch imitated her. She pulled her hair down in front of her eyes and noticed that her hair was black. She was skinnier, too...and taller. She had more hair on her arms...and she did the only thing she could do...she screamed.

C.C. laughed her ass off at the situation.

She paused then as she went into Lelouch's bathroom and searched for the one thing that would _definitely_ tell her that she was a guy. She found it. "N-No...way...I have...I have a..."

Kallen Kouzuki had been turned into Lelouch Lamperouge...and at that second, she passed out.


	2. Chapter 2 Dealing with it

**A/N:Time for another chapter. **

**Chapter Two dealing with it**

* * *

Kallen groaned as she slowly opened her eyes. She smiled. 'That was all just a dream...a really bizarre dream. I dreamt that I was Lelouch...talk about odd.'

She sat up and then her face fell. She was still in Lelouch's bedroom, still her hair was black, and C.C. was still there. In other words, this was real and this was happening to her right now. Kallen frowned. The female-trapped-in-a-male's-body had no clue what the heck she should do right now.

Everyone else would see her as Lelouch when in reality she wasn't. What the heck should she do? She wasn't him-but then she frowned as she considered it-she did look like him and sounded like him, so everyone would consider her to be Lelouch. 'Then...that means...that Lelouch is in my body...'

Cold realization swept over her like a cold wind as she realized what she had to do. She would have to act like the person she hated the most-no, Lelouch was Zero, too-talk about confusing. The man she loved and the person she hated the most were one in the same. How hard her mind fought to disassociate herself from the notion that Lelouch was Zero.

"So, Kallen, how does it feel being a male?" C.C. taunted, clearly enjoying the whole melodrama.

"...It sucks. His arms are too hairy and everything itches. Besides, how the hell do you expect me to be a guy? I hate Lelouch, I don't _want to be him!" _She whined.

"Kallen, you are Lelouch right now, so shut up and stop whining."

"B-But I-" Kallen froze as another feeling swept over her. She blushed deeply.

"Now what's wrong? Do you have to go to the bathroom?"

Upon seeing the blush on "Lelouch's" face, she smirked. "Go ahead, Kallen. After all, you're a tomboy, this is just one step ahead after all."

"S-Shut up!" Kallen barked, still unused to her voice being so low.

Like a voyeur, C.C. listened outside the bathroom door, thoroughly enjoying how traumatized the red-headed girl was becoming in her weird day of being a "man."

_**A/N:How perverted does this sound? **_

If anyone were to come wandering by, they would probably wonder why on earth a boy was whining about having to go to the bathroom.

"N-No, how come I have to touch it? It's so gross...bleah, Lelouch, you need to shave, for god's sake! His legs are so ugly...bleah, I hate being a skinny beanpole. I need to go to the bathroom, but then I have to stand...ugh, this is horrifying!"

A few moments later, a traumatized Kallen came out, blushing madly. "I am never going to do that again."

"Really now? You do know that men have to go a lot, right?" C.C. snickered like a schoolgirl.

"Don't you dare tell any of the Black Knights, or I'll...I'll..." Kallen cried.

"You'll what, Kallen? Try to run and get too tired? Sorry, but in Lelouch's body, you're a weakling." C.C. sniggered again.

"Leave me alone," Kallen groaned.

"Sorry, I can't do that."

The door opened then and a brown-haired girl appeared in a wheelchair. Her eyes were shut. "Big brother, are you up now?"

Kallen thought of her big brother Naoto and sighed mentally. 'What the heck...now this brings back memories. So I'm a guy now...this is awkward...'

"Um, yeah?" Kallen guessed.

* * *

"Oh, big brother, I'm glad you're awake." Nunnally said softly. "By the way, Kallen wants to see you, Lelouch. Are you two going out?"

Sure enough, Kallen gaped upon seeing her own body standing beside Nunnally, looking very irritated and frustrated with how things had been going. 'Crap, Lelouch is here.'

The second Nunnally left the room, "Kallen" turned to face C.C.

"What the hell did you do, witch? Why the hell am I a girl?"

"Lelouch, it's hard to take you seriously when you have such a high voice." C.C. taunted.

Lelouch fumed. "Kallen, you're in my body, aren't you?"

Kallen nodded.

Lelouch grabbed her. "Give me my body back! I don't want to be a girl and wear stupid dresses! I don't want to wear bras!"

Kallen smirked. "No way, buster...I'm going to be enjoying this time away from the troubles a girl faces."

"Kallen, you're just as panicked as I am, aren't you?" Lelouch deduced calmly. "How will you know how to act like Zero, or keep up the calm facade at school, or act like me when attacked by girls?"

Kallen froze. "Um...maybe I don't know how to do this."

"Good. We're going to have to act like each other. By the way, about yesterday, I saw you were going to fall and got concerned, so I merely grabbed you to prevent you from falling..." Lelouch mumbled.

Kallen looked at him with wide eyes. "Really, but I assumed-"

"You assumed wrong. Whatever the crazy president does, she does, that doesn't mean I support it one hundred percent." Lelouch said in annoyance. "Besides, we have to straighten out the all Zero thing. You already know about that, seeing as you didn't react at all when I said it."

Kallen nodded. "No wonder. Why didn't I figure it out before? Your analytical thinking is exactly the same. It's just that you-"

"Put on an entirely different mask at school. That's correct, Kallen. However, Zero is only one of many masks that I wear. C.C., you must not tell her about the other secrets, understood?" Lelouch warned.

"Whatever. What will you do to me, Lelouch, whine to death while sounding like a pathetic teenage girl?"

Kallen flinched while Lelouch just rolled his eyes. "Face it, I am not a girl, you bozo."

"Really? Right now, you are." C.C. chuckled.

Kallen froze. 'This is stupid. Why can't this just be a bad dream?'

* * *

Alas, trouble was just beginning for poor Kallen. She had to walk to school with her worst nightmare, Suzaku Kururugi, the traitor to the Japanese people. Lelouch wasn't there; he'd been urged to go walk with Shirley and the other girls by Kallen, simply because it would look odd for sickly Kallen to be walking with boys.

She gritted her teeth and tried not to act too out of character.

"Lelouch, are you all right?" Suzaku asked his best friend. His best friend blinked a few times and smiled nervously as he blinked and answered,

"No, of course not, Suzaku. There's absolutely nothing wrong with me."

Suzaku thought that last sentence sounded rather forced. He realized that they were not alone and that a large gaggle of girls were following behind them. "Lelouch, we're not alone."

"LELOUCH, CAN WE WALK WITH YOU TO SCHOOL? I WANNA TALK TO YOU!"

"LELOUCH, HAVE MY BABY! I LOVE YOU!"

"LELOUCHHHHHHHH!"

Oh, dear god, no. Kallen put her head in her hands. 'Why oh why do I have to be Lelouch-one of the most desirable boys in the whole school?'

Suzaku said, "Sorry, but he's a little nervous. He's already taken."

"You mean our great Lelouch is gay!?" A girl screamed.

"No, of course he isn't-er, I'm not gay. I never said I was." Kallen said.

"Then that means..." Another girl said as she ran up to Kallen and hugged her tightly. "We can go out!"

"Um, girls, please unhand Lelouch, he's trying to go to school right now." Suzaku said, irritated at this turn of events.

'Act as annoying and pretentious as Lelouch does and maybe it'll drive them away.'

"You girls are all very cute, but I'm afraid that the two of us have got to be on our way to school-perhaps I can speak with you girls later?" Kallen played her part and tried her best to flash a "charming" smile-when in reality she felt more like strangling half of the girls with her own hands.

It didn't work. Instead, the girls all shrieked and started to chase them even more, forcing both Kallen and Suzaku to run from the crazed girls. However, Kallen got winded twice as fast, considering she was in the body of a lazy aristocrat. Suzaku helped her out, however, so she was covered. 'I'll bet Lelouch is having the time of his life.'

* * *

'How I hate this. How does she put up with such annoying, inane chatter? They don't even like chess! How is this possible?'

Lelouch groaned as he walked ahead of the annoying girls who seemed to swarm around Kallen like flies, but to no avail. They followed him anyway.

"Kallen, are you mad because Lelouch ripped your dress yesterday? It must've been so awful." A girl said, acting out of sympathy, though Lelouch really didn't care about her.

"Yeah, it was bad, ripping her dress like that," Lelouch mumbled.

"What?"

"No, I meant, it was embarrassing ripping my dress like that." Lelouch said.


	3. Chapter 3 High school is horrible

**A/N:Kallen is not taking being a man very well, is she? XD That's what I intended from the start. Right now, her life has gotten a hell of a lot more complicated, hasn't it?Well, now things are going to become 100% more complicated.  
**

**Chapter 3 When will this end? **

* * *

Suzaku Kururugi was a little surprised when Kallen Stadtfeld came up to join them at the school gates, followed by a bunch of her friends. The girls grew excited upon seeing Lelouch, but as soon as they spotted Suzaku, their expressions changed into ones of disgust, repugnance, and scorn.

"Kallen, we're going to like hang out somewhere else if that's okay with you. See you in class!" The blond, Rochelle, called out.

"Yeah, see you later!" Another, a redhead called out.

Kallen just waved politely back and turned to look straight at him and Lelouch. To his surprise, Lelouch was looking interested in the redheaded girl for once, which was quite odd considering he usually never paid attention to any girls.

"Kallen, what can I help you with?" Suzaku asked politely. He noticed Lelouch tense slightly but waver as Kallen spoke.

"...Nothing, really. Uh, the girls were just saying they were going to see me later. So, um, uh...Lelouch, can I speak to you for a moment?" Her eyes darted to the black-haired boy, who was surprisingly looking away from the redhead.

'Lelouch is acting odd today,' Suzaku noted, noticing how he seemed to be spacing out a lot more lately. "Lelouch!"

Lelouch turned to face him. "Oh, uh, Suzaku? I'm going to go chat with hi-er, her, for a few moments. You just wait here." He said before grabbing Kallen's hand and leading her down somewhere else.

Suzaku frowned upon seeing how Lelouch had been eager to get away from him. The Lelouch he knew wasn't like that. There was a person who acted like that-two, actually. Nina and Kallen both acted that way around him, but Lelouch...maybe Lelouch was trying to make it so they didn't look like they were friends in school. Perhaps he was finally taking Suzaku seriously when the latter warned him on the dangers of hanging out with a celebrity like him now.

If Lelouch's identity as a prince was ever exposed, Lelouch would be in horrible trouble, so Suzaku had taken it upon himself to help him out.

'Something fishy is going on,' He thought.

* * *

"All right, Kallen. Your acting is _horrible_," Lelouch said, managing to overpower Kallen. "I didn't realize your body was this strong."

"It's because yours is _horrendously_ weak! I had to walk with that idiot Suzaku!" Kallen cried.

Lelouch huffed and looked from her. "There's one thing that concerns me, Kallen. I want to return to my body as soon as possible...I don't want to go through the things females go through. You know...you should have seen those females...they're so-"

"Disgustingly shallow? Yes. That's half of nobility for you. You're no exception, Lelouch. Your parents must be quite arrogant if you inherited your attitude from them. I certainly can't say I am, since my jackass of a father never bothers to visit my mother and I. You must have seen how they act, right? My stepmother and my mother."

"I thought the ugly woman was your stepmother. You're half-Japanese, right?" Lelouch blurted.

"How'd you know that? I know you're Zero and all, but that doesn't mean you should know something like that!" Kallen cried. She noticed how Lelouch was smirking slightly.

"Looks like you have it after all," He said.

"Have what?" Kallen cried.

* * *

"Look. In your eye." Lelouch said softly. They were near a creek, so he had her see her (well, Lelouch's) reflection in it. She noticed there was a red glow in it.

"What the hell is this?" She said.

"Geass. I got it from C.C. I've been using it to...well, control people's minds and get them to do what I want them to do."

Kallen's eyes widened. "You've been using it on us; the Black Knights? You mean to tell me you've been manipulating us!" She hissed in his ear.

"You misunderstand, Kallen. I'm not using you at all. I merely used it to complete my objectives. I've used it on you before...it was back when I wanted to find out why you were a terrorist...you told me you were half-Japanese under it...that's how I know. I've never been able to use it on anyone more than once. I've only used it for the right reasons."

"You _liar_," She hissed, "I can't believe I trusted you. Why couldn't you just tell me who you were from the start?"

"You very well would have murdered me on the spot if I had. After all, you hate Britannians, right? You'd have double the reason to hate me then too." He said ambiguously.

* * *

"Lelouch, Kallen, what are you doing?" Suzaku said, coming over to the arguing couple. He noticed how close they were to each other. "Are you two...busy?"

"Definitely not, Suzaku," Lelouch said but Suzaku gave him a funny look. Kallen nudged him.

"She's just a little snarky today. She's still mad at me over the incident yesterday, right Kallen?" Kallen hissed.

Lelouch rolled his eyes. "Definitely."

Suzaku looked at them both in suspicion. "You're both acting funny today. You've been acting like your polar opposite...Kallen, you greeted me and acted familiar with me when normally you flee from my line of vision. Lelouch, you've been jumpy around me and you've been running away from me. Is it possible that you two...have..."

"I'm definitely Lelouch!" Kallen cried.

"I don't know...it's almost like you two have switched personalities or something...it's like you two are not who you claim to be." Suzaku deduced.

Lelouch and Kallen exchanged panicked looks. "The jig's up, isn't it?" Lelouch said sadly.

"What is?" Suzaku said.

"I'm Lelouch," Lelouch said, and pointed to his body, "That's Kallen. Believe what you want to believe, but we're both in each other's body for some reason."

Suzaku looked at them both and then he started to laugh. "That's a pretty bad joke, Kallen. Pretending to be Lelouch is rather clever."

"We met when we were ten and our father exiled us from Britannia. We were staying in the little shack with you. You bullied us but you helped me save Nunnally and then we became friends despite the fact that we were both from different countries and despite the fact that I was of royal blood. We learned how to gesture to each other like this." Lelouch pulled on Kallen's shirt.

Suzaku's mouth dropped open. "..._Lelouch_?" He said in disbelief.

The person he had thought was Kallen nodded in agitation. "Yes, unfortunately."

"So you're Kallen?" Suzaku asked "Lelouch," who nodded.

"Yes," She said huskily. "We're not happy about this stupid situation, either. Lelouch, when you said you were of royal blood, you mean your family is a noble, right?"

Lelouch and Suzaku's eyes widened. "He means his family. He's the son of a Duke." Suzaku lied.

"Huh," Kallen remarked sarcastically. "Like I'd believe you, traitor to the Japanese."

* * *

The bell rang for first period to begin as soon as she said her sentence, so they all went inside to different classes. Kallen was guided by Lelouch to her first class.

"Ah, Mr. Lamperouge, I see you're late again like always." The teacher said, not even glancing up from his desk. "You've brought along Ms. Stadtfeld, too."

"Yeah..." Kallen said, and stopped upon seeing all the girls casting dreamy looks at her and felt disgusted. 'Bleah, they're all looking at me like that...even though I'm a girl. How creepy...'

Lelouch also looked disgusted. "Play along," He hissed. "Tell me where your first class is."

Kallen told him and then she sat down in Lelouch's seat, noticing all the girls begging her to sit near them. 'No way in hell. I don't swing that way.'

"Lelouch, sit near me!" A blond-haired girl cried.

"Lelouch, don't sit near that girl. Sit near me! I won't bite!" A brunette cried.

"Um...Lulu, are you going to sit down or what?"

Kallen gaped upon seeing Shirley of all people sitting beside Lelouch's seat. 'Oh no, oh no, no, anyone but her...' She smiled nervously and took her seat, aware of all the eyes on her and very annoyed by it.

"Lulu, you shouldn't be late for class!" Shirley scolded.

Kallen just sighed as her answer and propped her head up on Lelouch's desk.

"Lulu, can't you answer me?"

"Class is starting," Kallen said coldly, trying to sound as icy as possible and apparently it succeeded.

* * *

During the class, Kallen found herself growing more and more bored with the teacher and the subject. They were morons who didn't know anything at all about her country and the struggles the Japanese had gone through in their attempts to stay alive and keep their self-respect together.

She felt herself drifting off to sleep and before she knew it, she _was _asleep.

Shirley blinked upon seeing her crush fast asleep. Why did he have to do that? Couldn't he simply pay attention? She looked at him and sighed.

"Who can tell me the answer to this question? How about you, Miss Fenette?"

"Um, I don't know." Shirley mumbled.

"Well, maybe Mr. Lamperouge can tell us the answer. Mr. Lamperouge? Mr. Lamperouge, are you going to wake up? Miss Fenette, please wake him up."

* * *

Kallen thought she heard a voice.

"_Mr. Lamperouge, stop sleeping and wake up." _

'Heh, Lelouch is sleeping in class. Hope he gets in trouble.'

She could hear the voice grow louder. She wondered what Lelouch would say as his excuse. Even when she slept, she was careful about when and where she did it.

"_Mr. Lamperouge, wake up. Miss Fenette, please wake him up." _

'Ha, _he really is in trouble.' _

She felt someone shake her then. "Lulu...wake up..."

'Huh? Lulu...?'

She was confused. Who was calling her that? "Stop it..."

"Lulu, you have to wake up!" The shaking became more fierce as Kallen found herself waking up again. Her eyes opened then as she lifted her head from her desk and found she'd drooled on her paper during her nap. She blinked as she lifted her hand to her face, only to realize her hair was in her eyes. 'Stupid hair.'

She pushed her black hair back with her fingers-wait, _black_? Kallen noticed Shirley next to her...and then she remembered what had happened. 'Oh, crap, I _am _Lelouch now.'

"Well, Mr. Lamperouge, can you tell us the answer to this question? We've had to wait for you to wake up, young man." The teacher said impatiently.

'Young _woman,' _She mentally corrected and pictured herself punching the man in the nose for it, but realized it couldn't be helped. "I forgot it, sir. I fell asleep so I honestly don't remember it," She said dryly, causing the girls to titter and the boys to smirk.

'Well, at least the boys won't be asking me out now,' She thought and smirked.

"Mr. Lamperouge, I don't need sarcasm. I just need an answer."

"I'll answer for him!" A peppy greenette said.

"You, Miss Einstein? What's your answer?"

Nina gave the correct answer and the class's attention diverted from Kallen to something else. She still knew she was being goggled at.

* * *

When she got out in the hallway, she noticed how everyone stopped to look at her when she passed. All the boys looked at her and whispered to each other. She could catch faint whispers of their conversations...

"...Hey, it's the Ice Prince of Ashford. He thinks he's too good to hang out with us."

"...Look at him, lost in his own little world. Who does he think he is?"

"...I dunno...I like his attitude. He's certainly smart;a genius even."

"...He's quite a stuck-up ass, if you know what I mean."

She couldn't believe her ears. 'So the boys don't like him because he's arrogant? They don't understand him, do they?'

She could hear snippets of what the girls were saying, as well.

* * *

"...Look, it's Lelouch! He's looking at us! Maybe he'll ask you out! Go on, confess your feelings to him!"

"...Lelouch is so adorable! I'd gladly go out with him. He'd go for a girl like me, unlike that stupid _wench_ who ripped her dress yesterday out of spite. Did you see how she ripped him a new one? She's totally disgusting _and_ a freak. Who does she think she is to criticize Lelouch?"

Kallen's fists tightened some more as she walked, only to blink as a blond girl approached her shyly.

* * *

"Um, Lelouch, I was wondering...I've been admiring you for some time..."

Kallen sighed. "Not interested...I need to go to class..."

"Lelouch, _please_ listen to me. I really like how strong you are, how cool you are...can you accept my feelings for you?"

Kallen blinked. Were girls really _this_ bad? She'd never gotten to see how annoying and obnoxious they could be, but now she was starting to see why guys didn't like them so much. 'At least I don't act like that...'

"Um, I'm sorry but I'm not interested in you romantically. I really don't feel like going out with anyone at the moment." Kallen lied bluntly.

The girl stared at her with wide eyes. "But why, Lelouch?"

Now _everyone_ was looking at her, eyes wide.

"...Is he being stone-cold again? Why doesn't he pick up chicks like the rest of us?"

'Oh, man. Now what do I do?' She didn't know what she should say or do. She was stuck. 'Why do I have to be Lelouch? I want to be me again!'

* * *

"Lelouch, there you are, buddy!" A male voice called out. Kallen blinked as a blue-haired boy pushed his way through the crowd to come see her.

"Lelouch, please, can't you at least go out with me?"

The boy stopped and observed Kallen for a moment.

* * *

"No," Kallen said, thoroughly annoyed by this point in time. She was tired of this whole thing and perhaps she let her temper go a little too much. "Just...go away. Your whining is really ticking me off."

The girl looked at her in shock before she burst into tears. Kallen immediately knew she'd said the wrong thing and regretted her words.

"You jerk! How could you break her heart like that?" A girl cried. "She likes you..."

The blue-haired boy came in. "Sorry, but um, I need to collect my buddy Lelouch here. Lelouch, let's go. We have our next class together. Sorry about him, but I think he's just in a bad mood today. Perhaps you'd be interested in me?" He winked and the girl frowned.

"Guys are _such_ jerks!" She cried as she took her sobbing friend aside and glared at Kallen and the blue-haired boy.

"Damn, Lelouch, that was cold of you. She liked you, pal. I keep on telling you not to turn down the girls cos you might just one day find the right one!" The gray-eyed boy said.

"Who are you?" Kallen questioned.

"Lelouch, nice joke. It's me, Rivalz, your buddy."

Kallen smiled nervously. "Yeah...your buddy." 'Lelouch is probably having it easy. He's so charismatic he's probably able to win people over.'

* * *

Lelouch frowned as he walked down the hallway. The kids were looking at him, but not with the admiration they normally gave him. Instead, the girls were whispering to each other and giving him dirty looks, and the boys were cat-calling and whistling at him.

'How annoying. That must be aggravating, being whistled at just because of your body. No wonder Shirley gets so annoyed whenever Milly does something perverted...I really miss being in my body.'

Why was Kallen the school's outcast?

"...Whoa, babe...why don't you come over here and help me after school?"

"...Look at her...she has such a nice figure. Too bad she's sick all the time."

"...Hey there, girlie, wanna score?"

* * *

Lelouch ignored them and walked past the boys until his way was blocked by a group of girls. "Can I get to class?" He said coldly. He realized he didn't have his Geass. 'Aw, crap.'

"Well, well, if it isn't Kallen Stadtfeld, the sick princess. You think you're so great, don't you? So great, in fact that you dissed Lelouch yesterday when you ripped your dress on purpose to get his attention!" The blond said.

"Shut up," Lelouch growled, "Get out of my way."

"Excuse me? Who do _you_ think you are to give me that sort of attitude, you little cur?" The female grabbed Lelouch by the shoulders. "I think you need to have some respect for me."

"Go to hell," Lelouch spat, "I'm busy at the moment, so take your detestable bunch and go walk into a dumpster."

The girls all were incensed at this point.

"You'll pay for harassing Lelouch, you little rich princess! Time to teach you some manners!"

* * *

Lelouch had no idea girls could be this cruel as the girls started to beat him up, but then he remembered, he had muscle. He decided to fight back, but then Milly intervened.

"Okay, girls, break it up. Leave her alone, or else you'll deal with me!"

"Oh, crap, it's the granddaughter of the principal! Let's split!" The girls cried as they ran off, leaving behind a partially bruised and humiliated Lelouch. 'Girls are that vicious? Geez, no wonder Kallen stays out of school so much.'

"Kallen, are you all right? Don't cry or anything." Milly said, helping Lelouch up.

"I'm fine, Milly," He said, using her first name, which caught her attention. "So, um, where's my next class?"

"With me," She tittered. "See, girls don't have to take that crap. We girls can stick together."

Lelouch shivered. 'She's still scary.'

* * *

_'There's no doubt about it. I hate being female.' _

* * *

_'There's no doubt about it. I hate being male.' _

_'WHY CAN'T WE JUST GET OUR BODIES BACK ALREADY!?' _


	4. Chapter 4 I'm tired of this

**A/N:I think I really nailed the whole "life isn't as great as I thought it would be being the other person" thing on the head. Lelouch has the attention of the girl population at Ashford and now things might change a little for "him". Who had it worse, Kallen or Lelouch? You decide. Personally, I think Kallen had it the worst. Being forced to say no to a female and get falsely accused of being a jerk. Personally, I think girls are awfully mean and shallow at times. High school is like that, though. I think I'm one of the only girls WHO WASN'T a total gossiping backstabbing, irritating five-letter word. I'm glad I'm out of school now-school drove me it says Lelouch right after Kallen, it's what the other characters think-they see her as Lelouch.  
**

**Chapter Four I've had enough of this**

* * *

Rivalz frowned as he stared at his buddy Lelouch Lamperouge. Lelouch was awfully quiet today and he seemed more frigid than normal. Though that wasn't much of a shocker, the scene that he'd come upon today had been pretty shocking. Lelouch had practically shot a girl down right in front of the whole school. Everyone had been there to see it and he couldn't help but feel bad for the girl.

Girls were strange creatures, though. He couldn't understand them. He doubted Lelouch could, either. He frowned as he studied his friend, who had a troubled look on his face. Then it changed into a stoic one-that was more like him. He stared at him in concern. "Lelouch, are you all right?"

Lelouch looked at him and nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. Girls are a pain." He said nervously.

"Yeah. They are, buddy. What's wrong, buddy?" He asked upon noticing that Lelouch looked really nervous for some reason and he was pale. He seemed embarrassed about something.

"I have to use the bathroom," He whispered.

"Dude, the men's bathroom is right down the hallway from us, right next to the girl's restroom." Rivalz pointed out.

Lelouch looked relieved. "Thanks," He muttered as he disappeared down the hallway.

* * *

"Geez, I have to go _really bad_," Kallen muttered as she went into the girl's room, "Let's hope none of those shallow girls are in here-that would be bad."

She started to unzip her pants when she noticed a bunch of girls looking at her in shock. "What? I just need to use the bathroom."

The girls blushed madly upon seeing an extremely _attractive boy _in the girl's room. But they were more shocked than anything else. "THERE'S A BOY IN THE GIRL'S ROOM! PERVERT!" One screamed before throwing her purse at Kallen.

'Boy? What boy?' Kallen thought before realizing. 'Aw, crap.' "Look, I can explain."

"GET OUT, PERVERT!" The angry females started to crowd around Kallen and then they chased her out.

"Hey, wait a second..." One of the girls paused as she watched the boy go out. "Wasn't that Lelouch, the hottie of the school?"

The girls all gasped at that point.

"Lelouch-sama is perverted?" They all cried.

* * *

Kallen felt really embarrassed there as she walked into the boy's room-a place she had never been in before-and felt quite out-of-place. "Well, this isn't so bad."

'Wait...' Realization dawned on her when she realized...other people would be watching her...she blushed deeply. 'Oh, geez...I have to touch it again!'

She held in her scream and just got it over with. It was even more embarrassing when some other guys walked in (who weren't too bad-looking) and started to talk to her.

"Hey there! Just hanging out?" One of them said.

Kallen nodded. "Yep."

"Hey, you're Lelouch, aren't you? I heard how you totally dissed one of those stupid girls. That was awesome. You know she's hit on at least like six other guys with that act of being all innocent. She just likes to pretend to like them and then she ditches them. Good job, man. You didn't buy the act." The boy gave her a thumbs-up.

"Sure." She said slowly. 'Please just leave already.' It got even more traumatizing when she realized she was going to see them half-naked. 'Oh, please-why can't I return to my body?'

* * *

Kallen walked out, blushing deeply. One of the guys had questioned her about it and she just told them that just thinking about the girl made her annoyed. They hadn't bought it-they probably thought "he" was gay, but they hadn't said anything else. Kallen was used to being around boys, but never like this.

Rivalz watched as his friend came back, looking relieved but also red. "Why is your face red, Lelouch?"

* * *

Lelouch blinked. "No reason. I accidentally wandered into the wrong bathroom." He confessed.

"Dude, how awesome! You got to see some chicks, I take it?" He said before shaking his best friend by the shoulders.

"Yeah?" He said in boredom.

"That's more like you!" Rivalz cried.

Lelouch just frowned. "Whatever."

Rivalz just smiled, relieved that his friend was acting normally again.

"The thing is, Lelouch...remember how mean this teacher is? She's totally hot, though."

"Uh-huh," Kallen said.

"Hey, Lelouch, buddy, you sound odd today. You all right?" Rivalz asked Kallen, who froze.

'Crud, think of something to say, think of something to say,' Kallen assured herself.

"Um, I think I'm all right. It's just that I wandered into the wrong bathroom by accident."

"Oh, buddy, you don't have to be so modest. All guys go into the girl's bathroom by accident every now and again. Let's be honest, the girls are too hot to not watch," Rivalz said to Kallen, who felt more like strangling him on the spot for assuming she was hot, but stopped herself.

Kallen frowned. "People are looking at us."

"Don't they always? Face it, buddy, you're Mr. Popularity." Rivalz said, though he sounded jealous. "I wish some of the girls would go for me."

A sudden realization came to Kallen's mind then. She smirked. "Say, Rivalz...do you like Milly?" She said devilishly.

Rivalz gasped. "U-U-m, n-n-no way in heck would I be in love with her, Lelouch! You're playing dirty! She may be cute and funny and smart...but I definitely don't love her."

"You're lying...aren't you?" Kallen said evilly, smirking in a way that fit Lelouch's face.

"Lelouch, you're playing dirty, man! Stop it!" Rivalz cried. Kallen just smirked victoriously.

"I always thought there was something between you two," She said.

As they walked, more girls looked at them.

"...Hey, did you hear? Lelouch totally shot a girl down today. How cold!"

"...Yeah, but you know full well that she was not serious and was just teasing. I applaud him."

"...Lelouch is awesome. LELOUCH, CAN I WALK WITH YOU TO CLASS?"

Kallen blinked and then hit her forehead. 'Why, oh, why do I HAVE to do this? This is annoying...'

* * *

Lelouch sighed as Milly guided him to Kallen's next class. His eyes widened as he saw Rivalz and Kallen come walking down the hallway. Kallen looked horrified at the sight of so many girls following her while Rivalz looked content. 'Figures. He's a pervert as it is,' Lelouch thought.

Milly's eyes lit up. "Oh hey there, Lelouch! Ready for today's club meeting! I can guarantee you it'll be fun!" She cried.

Kallen blinked and looked scared for a moment before she decided to be stoic.

Lelouch smirked. Kallen caught his gaze and rolled her eyes for a moment.

"...That sounds fun," She deadpanned.

"Hey, Lelouch! Don't be so down! A cute boy like you will get all the females coming in this outfit!" Milly snickered. "Kallen was getting picked on by some girls, so I saved her and brought her down here."

Kallen's eyes widened for a moment before a frown settled on her features. 'Not those idiots again. They've always been picking on me.'

Lelouch approached her. "Who _are_ those girls who beat me up?" He hissed.

"Just some jealous idiots. They think I'm a stuck up girl and they think I tore my dress on purpose." She whispered.

"Hey, Lelouch buddy...are you and Kallen...you know...an item?"

Lelouch and Kallen blushed.

"No way!" Lelouch cried. "Sh-He's an annoying, conceited jerk!"

"I can hear you, you know," Kallen deadpanned.

"Relationship problems, huh?" Milly said. "Delicious."

* * *

The bell rang then and everyone scrambled to their respective classrooms while Lelouch just nodded at Kallen and headed off down the hallway. Kallen heard whistling and cat-calling.

"Hey, beautiful, don't you think you're in the wrong bathroom?"

"I'd definitely make you my girlfriend, girl!"

"You're in the wrong bathroom!"

She smirked upon seeing Lelouch walk out before going in the girl's bathroom. A few moments later he ran out.

"How do you deal with the girls? They're crazy...every last one of them!" He panted.

"Hey, Kallen...you sure your sickness isn't acting up?" Rivalz said.

"Oh, ah...yeah...it is." Lelouch said before sprinting off down the hallway.

'That idiot. He's going to get me busted. He's supposed to act like he can't walk.' Kallen thought in fury. Oh, she was going to get Lelouch for this big time.

Later that night...

* * *

"So, Kallen...are you going to enjoy being Zero?"

Kallen twitched. "This day was horrible! I walked into the girl's room and all the girls screamed at me, a girl accused me of being a jerk because I don't want to date girls, and now I have to be Zero?"

C.C. threw her the costume, but at that moment Suzaku's voice came from outside the door.

"Kallen, can I come in?"

C.C. blinked and then put everything away and resigned herself to sitting down on the bed.

"I'm coming," Kallen said as she opened the door and shut it behind her. "Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Going to visit you, of course. So you really are Kallen," He said. "I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't heard you earlier with Lelouch. So it sucks, huh?"

"Yes," She said. "I just want to be me again." She whined.

"Don't worry about it. I'll handle it." He said.


End file.
